Working Towards Recovery

I started dealing with depression and anxiety at a young age, and it’s been in my life for about ten years now. That’s a long time for me, considering it’s been about half of my life so far.

Sometimes it’s better, sometimes it’s worse. Sometimes meds help, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes I cope, sometimes I don’t. There are a lot of factors that come into recovery, and I haven’t yet found quite the right combination for me.

As for diagnosis, this blog will have a broad range of coverage. They aren’t sure whether I’m Bipolar or have Major Depressive Disorder, they also aren’t sure if I have PTSD, GAD or both. So I won’t be laying out a clear cut “this is what I have.” I used to want that really badly, but I’m coming to realize that it’s not really necessary (at least for me, right now). All I know is that I have intense emotions I don’t like, and intense physical sensations that scare me. I know a lot of people can share in that, so that’s who I’m writing for.

I’ve also been on A LOT of meds… SSRI, SNRI, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, benzodiazepines,  pretty much the whole lot. It’s not the most fun part of the journey, I’ll definitely be the first to admit. It’s always hard when trying something new to balance the naive excitement that it might help, with the realistic view that it could do any combination of things, from nothing to total mental breakdown.

I’m starting something new for me, which is the process of DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), which is helpful for people with strong emotions as it involves mindfulness and coping skills to deal with overwhelming feelings. I’m hesitant and excited to go down this new path. I’m hopeful that it will improve my life, but my pessimistic side still is doubtful. This is fairly new to me, but I’ve thrown myself into practicing full force. I’ll go into more detail in another post about where I’m at in my DBT and what it’s done for me so far.

I’ll end my first post by saying that I try to keep a humorous view of life. I hope to share lots of the information I’ve gained over the last ten years researching. There are lots of excellent resources for those who struggle with depression/anxiety/bipolar and any other combination of mental illnesses.

Stay strong,

Emma

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